Monet Bell & Vaughn Copeland - Married at First Sight - Season 1 - Discussion *Spoilers*

theKeptGrits wrote:

Dr C speaks regarding M/V divorce

He is probably my favorite expert.

dw_a_mom wrote:

theKeptGrits wrote:

Dr C speaks regarding M/V divorce

He is probably my favorite expert.

That's a great article! I love reading his take on things. I've never heard of him before, but I sure do enjoy listening to everything he has to say. He has a great website too.

I think I'm the opposite of some of you in that I liked Monet a lot more than Vaughn although don't think either were good on the reunion show or during the season. I also don't see either one as being better than the other in their brief marriage.

The funny thing for me, albean99, is that despite the criticism I have for Monet about she acted in that relationship, and how I think she's gotten off too easy on some things (compared to Vaughn, anyway) I like her better, personally, than Vaughn.

part 1 of 2
The above link is Monet's interview with RealitvwithBee who is a fellow poster here, and writes a great blog.

After seeing the 6 mos later episode, I went back and watched it again. One thing that stood out to me about her was...Monet said she did not like the stereotype of Black women being augmentative. I felt like someone should have spoken up and pointed out that she was enacting that stereotype in that moment.
I am looking forward to reading the second part of Bee's interview to see what insights Monet gives on what she has learned. She does seem to like to put herself out there as an example of a positive woman. I personally hope that the life lessons she learned from this really HAVE helped her become a better person.

I hoped in re-watching that I would gain maybe a better impression of Vaughn as well. But what I again viewed is a little boy in a grown man's body who wants things his way. He has unrealistic expectations on his list of what he wants in a woman. It's not about the cooking IMO. His comments about wanting to stay in bed to have sex all day. (That is the fantasy of young 20 yr olds.) And that when he does nice things that are not reciprocated, he checks out. Both of those things do not indicate a responsible man who is ready for children and a mature relationship. Neither does asking a spouse who has just had surgery to give him a hand job. So in THAT aspect of it, I DO agree with Monet...he's not ready for marriage. I felt like Monet baited him as much as he baited her in the 6 mos later episode.

Neither one is a saint. Monet's more strident independent personality did not mesh with Vaughn's need to be pampered. Neither one were specific enough in their requests from the experts.

Great interview Bee!

One thing that stood out to me about her was...Monet said she did not like the stereotype of Black women being augmentative. I felt like someone should have spoken up and pointed out that she was enacting that stereotype in that moment.

IA with this. Although she wants to come across as a positive "woman" her delivery always seemed negative and argumentative.

Don't forget there is one more episode on Sep 30th! Wonder what they will show of them?

Copied from MAFS thread:

Tracy: You believe Vaughn has issues with Black women. Why do you think that?
Monet: I do. There were instances where we had conversations, and he would say, “Don’t you think Black women are argumentative or combative?” There is always somebody with a chip on their shoulder to perpetuate the poor image of African-American women. At any given time, if I’m passionate or don’t agree with something, why is that unacceptable? Why does that lump me into a stereotype if today I’m having a bad day? He did a JET interview last week and I read it and the moment I got to the portion to it about argumentative Black women…If you don’t get how much bigger this is. That’s hurtful to African-American women. It’s not fair. White women get angry, too, but you direct it to me because I’m a Black woman because I have an opinion and am passionate and because I don’t agree with your point of view. It’s not okay. It’s bigger than just he and I. You have to have some understanding about how big the situation really is for our community. As far as him…he swears up and down that he really wanted a Black woman. I think in theory it sounded good to say; I think an ideal woman would have been more timid and more submissive…I’m not sure if that’s the word I want to use.

Tracy: The other couples were able to stay married and are trying to make it work. Did that make you jealous at all?
Monet: I’m kinda jealous. I wanted that love. I wanted that to develop. Me and Jamie and Courtney went to dinner…Courtney said she was sorry that that situation turned out the way it did. I told her, “Don’t stop telling me about your happiness because don’t minimize your happiness because my situation didn’t work out.” They do have something that is real. Their love is real and that makes me feel better about the show.

NEXT: Monet acknowledges her role in the broken marriage and talks about a spin-off. Watch>>
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I agree !00% with Monet regarding the stereotypes that follow black women in real life and on any type show be it reality TV or just regular program TV shows if black women have an opinion we are labeled as angry black women/loud, if we don't agree, we are labeled as having a chip on our shoulders and for Vaughan to say that to Monet especially him being a black man and knowing how the media feeds into those stereotypes was seriously messed up.......   Like I have stated before I didn't care for Vaughan at all, I don't have a very good opinion of him

Even Vaughn's mom knew it wouldn't work the first night! She noticed that they had different views on roles of male/females.

luvlady345 wrote:Copied from MAFS thread:

Tracy: You believe Vaughn has issues with Black women. Why do you think that?
Monet: I do. There were instances where we had conversations, and he would say, “Don’t you think Black women are argumentative or combative?” There is always somebody with a chip on their shoulder to perpetuate the poor image of African-American women. At any given time, if I’m passionate or don’t agree with something, why is that unacceptable? Why does that lump me into a stereotype if today I’m having a bad day? He did a JET interview last week and I read it and the moment I got to the portion to it about argumentative Black women…If you don’t get how much bigger this is. That’s hurtful to African-American women. It’s not fair. White women get angry, too, but you direct it to me because I’m a Black woman because I have an opinion and am passionate and because I don’t agree with your point of view. It’s not okay. It’s bigger than just he and I. You have to have some understanding about how big the situation really is for our community. As far as him…he swears up and down that he really wanted a Black woman. I think in theory it sounded good to say; I think an ideal woman would have been more timid and more submissive…I’m not sure if that’s the word I want to use.

Tracy: The other couples were able to stay married and are trying to make it work. Did that make you jealous at all?
Monet: I’m kinda jealous. I wanted that love. I wanted that to develop. Me and Jamie and Courtney went to dinner…Courtney said she was sorry that that situation turned out the way it did. I told her, “Don’t stop telling me about your happiness because don’t minimize your happiness because my situation didn’t work out.” They do have something that is real. Their love is real and that makes me feel better about the show.

NEXT: Monet acknowledges her role in the broken marriage and talks about a spin-off. Watch>>
.

I agree !00% with Monet regarding the stereotypes that follow black women in real life and on any type show be it reality TV or just regular program TV shows if black women have an opinion we are labeled as angry black women/loud, if we don't agree, we are labeled as having a chip on our shoulders and for Vaughan to say that to Monet especially him being a black man and knowing how the media feeds into those stereotypes was seriously messed up.......   Like I have stated before I didn't care for Vaughan at all, I don't have a very good opinion of him

Would you also agree that in some part Black women help to perpetuate that stereotype? I mean look at shows like Real Housewives of Atlanta. Supposedly upper class wealthy Black women wearing $5,000 gowns and $1,000 worth of hair on their heads, actually FIGHTING and rolling around the floor, and every other word is a curse word? Seriously?? Not that I'm giving Vaughn a total pass because he definitely has some old fashioned views about male/female roles in a relationship, but the last time I checked people are entitled to see what they desire. Just like Monet really wants a rich man, even though she tried to side skirt admitting in on camera. Sure Vaughn is spoiled and something of a mama's boy, and wants a woman to dote on him and that woman just isn't Monet at all. But I do feel Monet was a bit selfish in basically telling Vaughn he was going to move in with her and find some space for him to squeeze into. To me that was symbolic of her view of their relationship. Like "Ok Vaughn this is MY life and I'm gonna try and find some space to squeeze you into it where I can. It wont exactly be a comfortable fit for you, but oh well, that's just the way it is, deal with it". I've said her lack of desire to try and find a new place together like the other couples sent a clear message to Vaughn that its not really OUR life but rather MY life with you sort of in it. Not good

I do also think that the whole "argumentative" thing that gets attached to Black women is for the most part rather unfair and quite generalized. What I think it is, is Black women's frustration. Frustration of having to deal with cheaters, abusers, drug addicts, deadbeat dads, and just men who are irresponsible in general. Black women tired of raising children by themselves. And is some cases, of men like Vaughn who they don't feel meet them half way. They are frustrated and tired of it, and not afraid to voice their opinion about it.

Since you have stated you didn't care for Vaughn at all, I'd be curious to know you true impressions of Monet?

The experts obviously did their homework as 2 couples were a success. I wonder where the experts train fell off the tracks with this couple. Did he wind up being more opinionated than they were aware of? Did she come off more independent than they thought? Wish, they would answer this.

Also, would love to know from them, what was the order for success in their minds. Of course, they all were paired off otherwise they would not have gone ahead with the couple but would love to know the experts "bets" on which couples would make it. Would the order for staying together have been Courtney and Jason, Jamie and Doug , Vaughn and Monet or some other.

First of all Lovedaddio, Black women are not the only ones who deal with cheaters, abusers, addicts and deadbeat dads believe or not. And Black women are not the only women who have raised children alone.  And thirdly the Atlanta Housewives are not the only Housewives show that have wealthy and affluent women who  act like fools... And the fourth point IMO you entire post is cloak in racist stereotypes, I take it you didn't mean to offend, but still.